The Best Survival Kit

I recently renewed my membership in the NRA, primarily for two reasons:

1. Government is a lot friendlier when people can shoot back;
2. They have some great gun raffles. 

Number two is important, because there are a couple of guns I really want, and the NRA tends to give them away once a year. One is a very nice side-by-side shotgun, the other a well-built .50 caliber Hawken flintlock muzzleloader. The problem is, they both cost more than I’m willing to part with presently. So it’s cheaper to buy a membership and take my chances, even though I’m 0 for 20 in this scenario.

But as a consolation prize this year, the NRA did give me a wonderful free gift for renewing my membership: the Official NRA Survival Kit. It includes a pseudo Leatherman tool, a flashlight and a knife. That led me to wonder…

Why the hell is the National Rifle Association giving me a knife?

I mean, seriously. You’re a GUN organization. And you’re giving me a knife? That would be like the Beer of the Month club giving me a free corkscrew.

I wouldn’t expect a free gun because they’re expensive, of course. But what about a cleaning kit? Or a sling? Or a can of bore cleaner? What can I do with a knife that I can’t already do with a gun (only louder)? Kill a squirrel? Scare off an intruder? Untangle a knot? No!  

Come to think of it, the NRA has to know that if I join their organization, I likely already own a gun or six. So why do I need any survival kit at all? A gun IS a survival kit. Say you’re lost in the middle of the woods somewhere and along comes a bear or a rabid coyote or the hillbillies from Deliverance. What’s more likely to get you out of those woods alive:

     A) The above survival kit (in a handy carrying case), or

     B) A Remington 870 Express 12-gauge pump action shotgun

Don’t think too hard on it because the answer is B.

If you said “A,” well, you’re in for a brutal encounter with Darwinism some day.

Still, I’m not complaining. My Official NRA Survival Kit was free after all, along with my subscription to American Hunter magazine, which is often chock-full-o’ gripping stories of harrowing escapes from Cape Buffalo. None of which involve a four-inch knife, by the way. Or a flashlight. Or a faux Leatherman tool. Just a really, really big gun.