What Government Should Do

“The government should do something.”

With any endeavor, any crisis (real or imagined) or any movement, that cry rises from nearly all quarters. Be it a serious event like a flood, or an imagined looming catastrophe like global warming, the immediate reaction in front of and behind the cameras is, “the government should fix it.”

Government can do no such thing. For one simple reason: With government comes politics and politics are nefarious.

Government and politics are inseparable. Anything that involves the government — be it through funding or regulation — involves politicians and therefore, politics. It is impossible for that not to be the case. The belief that a politician — any politician — can somehow be apolitical is naïve in the extreme. All of them owe their office to someone else — a coalition, like-minded donors, PACs, cause groups, industry sectors, unions, George Soros and, to a limited extent, voters.

Because of this, introducing government changes the mission of the cause, movement or crisis response. The goal (a cure, the end of hunger, clean air, safe streets) is no longer the sole objective. Politicians add new objectives — appeasing a constituency, getting re-elected, advancing a larger agenda, sticking it to an adversary, getting positive PR, diverting attention, etc. Aid, science, logic, freedom, truth, effectiveness… all become secondary (at best) to political aims.

The historical evidence is clear: Usually, government involvement, far from helping, makes the situation worse. After massive spending to pull America out of the Great Depression, unemployment was nearly twice as high in 1937 as it was a year following the crash. After massive government funding, involvement and action, our inner cities are worse off than before. After strong-arming lenders to relax mortgage requirements, the collapse is costing trillions. The cost of education and health care have spiraled since the fed first began to “help.”

In spite of its track record, there are those who will scream, beg and insist that government “do something” because only government has the money, power and resources to help. But consider:

In 1889, the first Johnstown Flood laid waste to the city. As word spread, relief committees were organized across the country. Buffalo Bill Cody held a benefit for the flood fund in Paris. Over 1,400 full carloads of goods — 17 million pounds worth — rolled into the city on rails rebuilt by the PRR. And over $3.7 million in donations came in from the U.S. and around the world. FEMA didn’t exist for the simple reason that it didn’t need to. We can take care of ourselves.

In 1936, Johnstown flooded a second time. This time, the government “did something.” The fed built channels to make Johnstown “flood proof.” And the State of Pennsylvania enacted a temporary 10% liquor tax to raise the $41 million needed to rebuild the community.

Forty-one years later, “flood proof” Johnstown flooded yet again.

Seventy-three years later, that temporary 10% liquor tax, which met its intended financial goal by 1942, is now 18%.

After the 1889 flood, good hearted people saw a need. They reacted to the plight of their fellow man with one goal: to help. In 1936, politicians saw an opportunity. The fed’s primary goal was to create jobs (and save their own) during the depression. The state’s, to create a new — and permanent — revenue stream.

History again and again tells us that the government should, indeed, do something. Specifically, stay away.

Eggs

I don't go grocery shopping often, and probably for good reason. Grocery shopping to me is a game where I'm challenged to spend as little as possible. So rather than coming home with the $3 box of flash-frozen non-hybridized corn from organic fields fertilized with butterfly tears, I come home with a 79-cent can of store brand corn that was shoveled out of a 90-story grain silo and boiled in a solid steel can that used to be the front fender of a Dodge Dart.

Sometimes, I'll pay more for better quality for the sake of the kids. But one place I won't compromise frugality is in the egg aisle. I will always and forever buy the cheapest eggs they sell, no matter what new variety of egg they roll out.

And roll them out they do. There are just plain old eggs in the off-gray carton. There are also lower-cholesterol eggs, pasteurized eggs, free-range eggs, organic eggs and combinations thereof that include free-range pasteurized organic low-cholesterol eggs.

But the point is, whether your egg of choice came from a chicken in a coop, a cage, an assembly line or a flowering meadow... whether that chicken was force-fed laboratory-synthesized hormone pellets or wandered freely about a certified-organic farm eating fresh grains sprouting from rich volcanic soil... there's one important thing to keep in mind about that egg:

IT DROPPED OUT OF THE ASS-END OF A CHICKEN.

Honestly, who in their right mind is going to be picky about what kind of ass-end that egg fell out of? "Well, the chicken was in no way genetically modified and lived freely on 1,000 acres and was fed only native baby grains and spring water." Uh-huh. And then an egg fell out of it's ass-end. And you're eating it.

Why would anyone pay more than the absolute minimum for that privilege?

A Well-Reasoned Answer to the Question Posed by Mr. Francis Scott Key at the End of the First Verse of His Song, "The Star Spangled Banner."

No.

One Giant Leap Backwards

It was forty years ago today that man, for the first time, set foot on the soil of a world other than our own. The sheer magnitude of that event — the first footprint on the infinitely vast frontier of space — captured the attention and the awe of the entire world. For tens of thousands of years, countless people in countless cultures imagined journeying to the moon. The United States, after just 193 years as a nation, actually did it. It was proof that the founding philosophy of the nation was correct: that humanity, under the emancipating power of liberty, is capable of unimagined greatness.

It was the crowning proof of American exceptionalism. A society that discovered miraculous medicines, accelerated scientific discovery, improved the human condition the world over, spawned countless life-improving inventions and yielded a standard of living that mankind had never, ever seen before.

Since then, our country's intellectual elites (politicians, pundits and pointy-heads in ivory towers) have spent countless hours and boundless energy on trying to convince America that since we're not perfect, we're not special. They accuse us of hubris, of imperialism, of destroying the planet and raping resources. They've belittled our history, re-written textbooks to highlight our warts, pointed to the exceptions in our imperfect society and called them the rule, and invented vicious new ways to keep us constantly bickering with each other.

They've pimped guilt over what we think, what we drive, what we eat, how we pray, where we choose to live, what we wear, what we enjoy and how much we earn.

They've dictated and tinkered with virtually every aspect of a society that in their eyes — despite all evidence to the contrary — is utterly flawed. They've set new laws and regulations that fly in the face of our founding philosophy. They've made villains of doctors, entrepreneurs, CEOs, hunters, investors, preachers, builders and employers. They've dictated business practices, mandated the water flow of toilets, outlawed incandescent light bulbs, saved us from the scourge of lawn darts and realized myriad other achievements of astounding pettiness draped in false robes of consequence.

They've done all in their power to bring us back down to earth in every way.

Is it any wonder why today, our greatest achievement is nearly two generations behind us?

Burros and Jackasses

Today, a friend emailed me some facts and figures on H.R. 1018, the "Restore our American Mustangs" Act. The link he sent along provided some hard-to-believe facts and figures on the bill that were so asinine I felt it had to be a hoax. So I did a quick search for H.R. 1018.

No, my friends, it is real. In fact, according to the text of the bill itself, it's purpose is:

"To amend the Wild Free-Roaming Horses and Burros Act to improve the management and long-term health of wild free-roaming horses and burros, and for other purposes."

Yes, you read that right. There exists today such a thing as the "Wild Free-Roaming Horses and Burros Act." And apparently, it needs to be amended. Because, hard as it might be to believe, it appears congress did not pass a very good "Wild Free-Roaming Horses and Burros Act" the first time around. Thus, it becomes imperative that our august congress establish a more perfect "Wild Free-Roaming Horses and Burros Act," lest countless wild free-roaming horses and burros suffer deprivation and engage in risky behavior. How, you may ask, will they improve the current, inadequate, some might say shameful "Wild Free-Roaming Horses and Burros Act"? With millions and millions and millions of dollars. Two-hundred million dollars, as a matter of fact, according to the Congressional Budget Office. For things like a biennial horse census, "enhanced contraception" (one can only assume to replace the Puritan, entry-level wild horse and burro contraception provided in the original act) and 19 million acres of land.

Two-hundred MILLION dollars that could have been spent by the people who earned it on things like cars, computers, private schools, anything they please is instead going to a land grab and equine anti-pregnancy program.

When it comes to horses and burros, the jackasses are taking care of their own.