The Europeans restarted it quietly this time because when they first started it back in September of 2008, they did so with much fanfare. Then it broke down. Kinda like their cars.
But it's back up and running now, and soon we'll unlock the secret of how and why matter exists in the universe. Which is nice, I guess. And I have to guess because I have no idea what they're talking about when they start explaining what they're looking for. Mind you, I graduated from one of the most respected science universities in the world. Granted, it was with two writing degrees, but you have to figure that I picked up something by osmosis.
What they're looking for is the Higgs boson particle, sometimes referred to as the "God Particle" for its vital role in making matter exist. If indeed it exists itself. Here's what Wiki says about the Higgs boson particle:
The Higgs boson particle is one quantum component of the theoretical Higgs Field. In empty space, the Higgs field has an amplitude different from zero; i.e., a non-zero vacuum expectation value. The existence of this non-zero vacuum expectation plays a fundamental role: it gives mass to every elementary particle which has mass, including the Higgs boson itself.
Uh-huh, uh-huh. I followed that right up to the first appearance of the word "boson."
This demonstrates one problem they're going to have to overcome if they do find the Higgs boson particle: explaining just what it is and what it means in a way that somebody can understand. It's more likely that whoever they're talking to will just ball up a fist and punch them in the mouth out of frustration.
Another problem is they're crashing sub-microscopic stuff, which is dreadfully dull. Personally, I'm not interested in what happens when proton beams or lead ions collide at the speed of light. However, I would be extremely interested in seeing what happens when two Matchbox cars collide at the speed of light. Or a bowling ball and a rock. Or how about two of those electric football players. What do you think would happen to the dude with the little cotton football in a head-on, speed-of-light collision? I'm guessing he fumbles, but without the sound science this super collider provides, we'll never know for sure.
A lesser problem, but a problem nonetheless, is that some scientists theorize that the collision could create a black hole. They're not talking about a burn-hole in the machine itself. They're talking about the black hole that sucks in all matter and crushes it into virtual nonexistence. Eventually, it would swallow the entire planet. The good news is it would start with Europe, so we'd at least get the last laugh.
One final problem is that the collider is being tampered with. Two physicists (one Danish, one Japanese) believe that the collider broke down the first time because of some weird time warp created by the machine itself. Their theory is that nature traveled back in time and stopped the creation of the Higgs boson. Oddly enough, both physicists are named Gene Roddenberry.
Of course, this last problem is just silly. Let's face it: if nature could travel back in time, the first thing it would do is stop the creation of Astroturf. Then it would turn its wrath on virtually all post-1950s architecture.
But, even if it isn't a time warp or a black hole, we can be sure that something exciting will come out of the Large Hadron Collider, because scientists will tell us as much. It just won't be between 160 GeV/c2 and 170 GeV/c2, because the Tevatron excluded that at the 95% confidence level back in March. But that goes without saying, really. Or at least, it should.
No comments:
Post a Comment