IT'S THE LAW

Years ago, it was our commonwealth’s mission to make sure visiting drivers felt welcomed. “You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania” was the warm and fuzzy greeting that met motorists who crossed the Mason-Dixon line or entered from any of our neighboring states. “Come on in,” the signs were saying. “We’re glad to have you.”

Today, sadly, it’s obvious that that heartwarming slogan is not only gone; it’s long, long forgotten.

On the most prominent signage along our interstate highways, the implied comfort of “You’ve got a friend” has been replaced with an oft-repeated and implied threat: IT’S THE LAW.

That’s a pretty drastic departure in tone. “You’ve got a friend” says “Come on in, relax, have a cup of coffee, spin a yarn and leave your worries on the other side of the border.” “IT’S THE LAW” says, “YOU DO WHAT WE SAY, SERF, OR YOU’LL SUFFER OUR WRATH”

Not quite the same is it?

Yet, there it is on sign after sign — warning after warning telling motorists to do as they’re told… or else:

BUCKLE UP. IT’S THE LAW.

TURN HEADLIGHTS ON IN WORK ZONE. IT’S THE LAW.

LIGHTS ON WHEN WIPERS ACTIVATED. IT’S THE LAW.

KEEP RIGHT. PASS LEFT. IT’S THE LAW.

ALL SNOW MUST BE REMOVED FROM MOVING VEHICLES. IT’S THE LAW.

Maybe the slogan on the welcome signs should be, “YOU’VE GOT AN OVERBEARING, MEDDLING COMMANDANT WITH A GOD COMPLEX IN PENNSYLVANIA.”

Oops, almost forgot the most important part: “AND HE’S A FILTHY HYPOCRITE.”

You see, Pennsylvania is big on telling you to follow the law, but the people who write the laws are free to break them at will. And pretty much without consequence to boot. Oh sure, sometimes the powers that be sacrifice a bozo to appease the disgruntled masses, but for the most part, lawmakers as lawbreakers is the norm here. And even when they are caught and convicted, they’re barely punished for breaking THE LAW.

Take convicted State Senator Vincent Fumo. He bilked state taxpayers of at least $4 million and was tried and convicted. Federal sentencing guidelines and a probation report recommended 21 to 27 years in prison. State prosecutors were asking for 10 to 15. The judge in the case gave him two and a half. But don’t get too upset. He’ll be out before then for good behavior.

So technically, you’ve still got a friend in Pennsylvania, provided you’re a powerful and well connected yet corrupt politician.

But since the state is so fond of telling everyone what THE LAW is, maybe they should consider a few more signs. Like maybe a reminder for PennDOT about what exactly they’re supposed to be doing. Start with their mission statement:

“PENNDOT provides services and a safe intermodal transportation system that attracts businesses and residents and stimulate (sic) Pennsylvania's economy. IT’S THE LAW.”

Of course, they do no such thing. (Hell, they can’t even make their subjects and verbs agree.) They provide lousy roads that are poorly conceived, constructed and maintained so as to create government make-work jobs in a state that couldn’t attract business without bribery if their lives depended on it.

Here’s one for our illustrious elected officials:

“A balanced budget must be approved by July 1. IT’S THE LAW.”

Pennsylvania has made a habit of ignoring this particular law — without consequence, of course. Ed Rendell has turned breaking this law into an art form by constantly demanding new taxes and higher spending as his solution to absolutely everything, then holding state employees hostage until the legislature caves to at least some of his useless spending.

Here’s a beaut:

“No member of either House shall during the term for which he may have been elected, receive any increase of salary, or mileage, under any law passed during such term. IT’S THE LAW!”

Back in ’05, they got around this through something called “unvouchered expenses” which jacked their pay 16-32%. The Supreme Court probably recognized this as an unconstitutional act, right up until they discovered that their own salaries got bumped up, too. Ta-da! It’s legal! Eventually, a near revolt by the citizenry scared the legislature into repealing the raise, but the courts let them get off Scott-free. Which means they can completely ignore that very clear constitutional prohibition at will in the future.

But by God my headlights better be a blazin’ if my windshield wipers are on or I’m gonna be dragged before the magistrate and made to pay an exorbitant fine.  

After all, IT’S THE LAW.

So, according to Article I Section 21 of the state constitution is this:

“The right of the citizens to bear arms in defense of themselves and the State shall not be questioned.”

That is, if you think it’s actually a state worth defending.